Missionary Monday

Dear JD,

Thought that picture would brighten your day. Looking at them sitting happily, together in the car sure brightens mine. So, how are you? Really...how are you? I've been thinking about you so much lately, wondering if you are feeling happy with all that you are doing, and hoping and praying that you are. I am happy, but sometimes I have moments when I don't exactly like what I'm doing. For instance--yesterday when we were leaving for church Atrain would not hold still while I was putting on his tie. So, I told him to take it with him and we could do it in the car. And then I started to walk out the door. He followed me, screaming and crying because I wouldn't put it on for him. I told him that I would do it in the car, but as it turned out, he didn't bring it with him, and I didn't have my key card with me to get me back into my building. Oops. I tried to convince him that he had to live with it. I tried to bribe him to calm down. I tried to tell him that I really needed his help to be happy so that we could make it to church to feel the Spirit. But, to no avail, Atrain continued to have a cow. No--more like a dinosaur.

He roared up a storm...all the way to the chapel breezeway. We sat in the foyer during the sacrament, and then the husband came out (he plays the organ) to fine Atrain whimpering on my lap while Jdog played happily with the lap on the table next to me. I felt like whimpering. I felt like crying. I felt like stomping my feet and throwing my own fit...just like Atrain. And, though I did raise my voice on our way back to the apartment to get his silly tie, I kept myself from throwing a hissy fit. I guess I will consider that a success...of sorts. As it turns out, Atrain was just in the mood to make things difficult, because after I retrieved his tie, he continued to cry about anything he could think about that we had left behind. So, I just went back to the church and sat on the grass while Atrain finished throwing his fit in the car. That was quite the mothering moment.

Sometimes it is hard for me to enjoy all of the ins and outs of what I'm doing. I love my kids. I love them more than anything--so much that it hurts sometimes...especially when I worry that I don't know what exactly I'm doing. But, I'm trying to do my best, and I know that God is helping me. Family sure helps a lot too. We had a wonderful time at mom and dad's yesterday. I love relaxing with the family over roast beef and baked potatoes. I love watching my kiddos interact with my family. I love squabbling with my sisters about silly, insignificant issues that make us all laugh and learn. I love looking into the garage and catching a glimpse of Dalliwag and having to convince myself that I am actually looking at him, and not at my brother JD who is in Texas right now. I love hearing everyone laugh as they load up onto four wheelers, motorcycles and dirt bikes to chase each other around the yard and field. Atrain actually rides with Grandpa--can you believe it? I don't let him get on with out a helmet, of course, but he does it. I sure miss you in the scene of all of it. You are an integral part of every conversation we have when we are together. We are all so proud of you and miss you so much. I sure hope you're doing well.

I love you, brother.

Love,

MJ