Strong Words

Sometimes Atrain says, "I can't."  I'm sure this is completely normal. It's usually an excuse--a lame reason to get me to help him put his shoes on.  I would be lying if I said this lame excuse didn't occasionally work.  But, after asking so many times and becoming exhausted trying to logically convince him "of course you can!" the need to speed up the exiting process kicks in, and I cave.  I hate that.

This morning I had a burst of inspiration.  Atrain asked for a refill on his cup of water.  I don't mind getting up to get him a cup of water.  It's not a big deal.  But, I'm trying to stretch his self reliance, confidence and ownership over his own life solutions.  Yes, it's just a cup of water, and in the short run it might not matter, but in the long run, if I want to raise confident, self reliant boys, it takes baby steps--one cup of water at a time. (Do I take my job too seriously?)

I responded, "You're such a big boy, you can do it yourself!"

He said, "I can't."

And then the lightning bolt struck me.  "What a tired, sad word!" I said.  "I can't," I repeated with a low, slow voice."  I like to use strong, powerful words, like "I can!"

"Powerful words?" He said, with a raised eyebrow, considering this untapped resource.  You see, Atrain likes to be strong.  He enjoys power.  I don't blame him.  He responds well to other kung-fu phrases we use like, "the one who has power is the one who is in control."  (I thank his preschool for that one).

"Yes, strong, powerful words! I CAN!"  I said as I flexed my meager muscles.  "It give me energy and strength to say I CAN!"

Atrain laughed.  "I CAN!" He repeated with enthusiasm and a smile.  He loved it.

"I can't" I said, with the lame lazy lilt in my voice, "So tired, so sad.  But when I say, I CAN! I feel so good, so strong!"

I realized as we had this conversation that we were really talking about believing in yourself, about boosting your own confidence, about evading self doubt. Sure, it may not have registered that way to Atrain, but he did feel the power and potential of 'strong words.' I think i have a new phrase.