Early Goodbye

The husband left early--very early...four in the morning early.  Poor husband.  Poor me.  Poor kiddos.  It is hard to feel temporarily incomplete.  But, we will manage.  Even if everything feels like just "getting by" when he is away.  The husband brings so much meaning and happiness to my life.

I have such good friends.  My best friend Ticklin came to watch my boys while I finished up my hair appointment (that started one week ago).  It takes much too long to whip my hair into shape, so we divided it into a couple of appointments.  I remember the days when Ticklin would patiently wait for me in the girls' restroom while I teased and tweaked my tresses until I looked like a tumble weed.  I'm still not sure why I thought tumble weed hair was attractive.  Perhaps in ten more years I will say the same thing about my hair now.  Whatever my hair is doing (or whatever I'm doing to it), Ticklin has always been by my side.  She is the most kind, faithful friend a girl could have.

Atrain is also a good companion.  He helped me prepare for and host a building meeting in my apartment tonight.  He pushed all of the chairs into an arch, vacuumed, arranged and snitched goodies, and put on a good show for the residents when they came over.  I love that little boy.  Three years old is a challenging age, and I expect that four will be even more so--he is so smart.  I hope I can help him hone and channel his brain power toward positive things.  Tonight one of my residents asked him what he wanted to be when he grows up.  Atrain responded with his typical "stranger danger" non-response.  But, I can't help but wonder what he was thinking.  He has the will power of a charging bull, and can be whatever he sets his heart on.  Just like his daddy.

Home too Soon

We left from AZ to drive home at 2am.  I drove.  What kept me awake?  A little caffeine and a lot of love for these funny dudes:

Even still, I wouldn't recommend driving home at 2am.  It might make one a little grumpy.  Especially one tired momma.

Manic Monday

In spite of the chaos constantly whirling between our children, Bill and I tackled the day.

We packed our kids tightly into bike trailers and strollers.  It took about an hour to escape.  The wind fought against us, but we battled back.

The boys battled each other, but we employed every diversion tactic we knew.  We succeeded when we reached the playground.  Ahhh...the playground.

She took me and Atrain to lunch while a sitter stayed with the other boys.  It was delicious.  The food was pretty good too.

We went on a drive to check out her new digs.  Beautiful.  It would be so sweet to live near Bill's family (and not just because she may soon the owner of a splash pad).

It all ended much too soon.  The husband and I crashed on the air mattress next to Atrain.  And then we left at 2am to drive home.  I didn't even get to say goodbye.  Perhaps it's better that way.

Atrain asked me if we can live at Mster's house.  His question was a bit of a surprise, seeing that their relationship was rather confrontational.  I'm so glad he forgot all of that.

It was a nice ride home.

Love Hurts

Today, we found ourselves in AZ, with beautiful Bill and her family.  Our road trip began directly after my sister's baptism and ended just before midnight.  I was ready for hell on wheels, but the kids were surprisingly splendid.  We actually enjoyed ourselves--especially at Denny's.  Their $2, $4, $6, $8 menu is awesome (for a poor family that needs a break from the road).  Atrain played with his car all along the corner bench while Jdog giggled, snarfed pancakes, and tried to eat crayons.  After the sun set, they slept the rest of the way to Bill's home.

Her home is beautiful.  She and her family is even more so.  They invited us (and the madness that comes with a couple more young boys) in with open arms.  We ate her yummy food, stole her first born's room, broke up many arguments between the boys over many toys that Atrain commandeered from cousin Mster.  Atrain actually bit him once--so hard.  He has never been a biter.  That was a bad moment for both of us.  Atrain went right to bed...with me...with tears...with (I hope) a sorrowful heart.  When I came down afterwards, so embarrassed and teary over what my son had done, Bil just hugged me and reassured me that her child had done the same thing one week ago.  It was slightly reassuring, but it still doesn't make motherhood any easier.

It would be so much easier to discipline if I wasn't so emotionally involved.  It would be so much easier if I didn't care so much about my boy and his choices.  But I am.  And I do.  So much that it hurts.  Such is the call of a mother: no pain, no gain.

Immersion

My sweet nephew "Percy" was baptized this morning.  I misread the invitation and showed up at the wrong church, and once I got my mind in order we arrived just in time to see the ripples of the water he had just exited.  It was a sad moment for me.  I kind of sobbed.  Others probably thought I was feeling especially spiritual.  But, I was just angry at myself.

That is, until Percy was confirmed, and I heard the sweet words of the blessing "receive the Holy Ghost."  My heart was calmed and my tears of guilt transformed into tears of joy.   Percy was so proud of himself.  He shook every hand of the men in the circle who participated in the blessing--and he did it with such confidence and excitement. When I got up to lead the group in a closing song, he shook my hand too.  I just love that little boy: so creative, so self-assured, so much like looking into my sister's eyes when we were little.

I cried my way through the closing song, too.  I hope I didn't look too pathetic, but I just couldn't help it.  There is something so unique and amazing about making covenants with God.  The promises offered are priceless.  At that moment I was totally immersed in the love of Father in Heaven for His children on earth.

Percy looked so young, there, sitting in between his parents.  I felt so young, standing there, leading the music, singing, "I am a Child of God."  He has sent me here.  He gave me parents so kind, and so dear.  And, He is leading me home.

The Necessary No

I forget how much I miss writing until I actually sit down to catch up.  Everyone has their thing--that thing that makes them feel like staying up until four in the morning because they enjoy doing whatever it is so much they just can't make themselves go to sleep, right?  I guess this one is mine.  There's something calming about creating thoughts on a blank page.  It's like seeing time happen, or smuggling the best and the worst moments of the day into whatever tomorrow may bring.

I had a lot of worst moments today.  Atrain knows the rules.  And when he breaks them, he knows the consequences.  But, for some reason he still decides to make bad choices. I guess it's all part of learning.

Tonight I tried to make him put on his coat before leaving the house.  He said, "no, I don't want to."  I was insistent until the husband said, "Just let him freeze, he'll learn."  I responded with, "I don't like to let him learn."  True words.  It is hard to let him learn, and to know exactly when you should and shouldn't say "no."

Like when we were at the grocery store today--I let him get a car, but then he threw a large, long fit about it not being an expensive car.  So, I put the car back, and tried to walk as calmly as possible out of the store while Atrain convulsed and pulled my hair.  I buckled him in Jdog's car seat on the way home, just so that he didn't injure himself, me, or any other drivers on the way home.  Not a happy moment.  It is hard to say no.  But is is necessary, right?

Or what about the fib he told when we got home.  He lied.  Strait to my face.  And, he knew it.  But, he wouldn't let down his act--that he had really called Aunt Bill to ask if the Mster owned a certain car already. His story was that Bill said "yes, he already has that one," so he was convinced that he could open it.  The only problem was, his story was completely false, and he wasn't willing to admit it.  It took a spell in time out and the threat of not going to the food fest party to squeeze the real story out of him.  How do I tell him "no" when he just keeps telling me "yes."

And, (most importantly), how do I keep from laughing when he says, strait-faced, "mom, that is a lie," after I inform him that I can't find his socks?

I need a good book about discipline--creative discipline...positive discipline.  Atrain doesn't do well with negative reinforcement.  Nope.  Not at all.  I try to be prepared, because he thrives on positive feedback and reinforcement.  But, I need better ways (or at least a little more courage) when it comes to the necessary negative moments.  They just stink.  So, I stay up all night pondering my predicament, and how to be a better mommy.  I guess I'll just keep trying.  Any ideas would be lovely.

Holiday Barbie

My hair is a bright, light shade of blonde.  It's usually blondish--some sort of mixture of highlights and color--the kind that can grow out for six months without being too tacky (if that's possible).  My adorable, thoughtful, amazing mother drove up here so that I could fix all of that while the husband is away on interviews.  She came bearing toys for the kiddos while I slipped out to get my hair done.  I have so much hair that it takes an insane amount of time to color--which is another reason why I like to wait.  I feel sorry for the unfortunate friend that has to do the job.

So, my sweet friend went to work.  And, by the time the foils came out, I was a crisp shade of golden blond--a lot more than usual.  She did an awesome job...it was just a bit surprising and I can't remember how long it's been since I've been so blonde. When I told the husband he said, "Alright!"  Funny hubby.  I'm glad he likes the blonder side of me.