December Eve

Our Christmas decor has been assembled--sort of.  The tree us up, the stalkings are out, and the husband's set of antlers took their rightful atop the entertainment center...adorned with a few pine trimmings, of course.  It feels festive.  But we still need to dig out my beloved nativity sets.  I do love this time of year.  And, there is something about knowing that it will be our last Christmas in this apartment--it's motivating me to put up a few more lights and dress up a few more holiday corners.  This apartment has been good to us.

Jdog's eyes beamed brighter than the moon when we woke up to them.  I love getting the chance to relive the excitement of the season through my children.  Atrain loves to take part in all of the decorating.  In fact, telling him he could trim the tree was the only thing that would distract him from mourning over the husband leaving for another interview.  He sure loves his daddy.

I hope I can make this season special for my boys.  I hope I can help them understand the real meaning of Christmas.  We have been reading the "symbols" booklet my sister Katydid put together for us last year.  Atrain was so proud to tell the stories behind the Christmas objects during family home evening.  There aren't many stellar family home evenings in our home, but I find that the most spiritual ones happen when Atrain is teaching.  I love hearing his thoughts. Even if he was still asking "what is a symbol" by the time we were finished.

Tomorrow is December 1st.  I'm looking forward to the elf visiting our home.  I can't wait to wrap a "new" Christmas book every night.  It will be good to finally use our awesome Christmas story advent calendar I bought at the DI years ago.  Best of all, it will be good to be together, and make a lot of new memories with our little and big family.  I have such good people in my life.  I'm grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ that brings us together, helps us love each other more, and motivates us to work for the good.  It will be a good month.

Tell Me

Today we were sitting in the car when I heard this conversation between Atrain and Jdog:

Jdog: "Digadiga digasts dada"

Atrain: "Diga diga, hahaha, Jdog you're so funny."

Jdog: "Diga (giggle) ga ga!"

Atrain: "Ga ga! What is ga ga?!"

Jdog:  "Gaga gaga"

Atrain: "Ga ga!!! Jdog, what is gaga??? Tell me! Please, what is gaga?"

Jdog: (giggle), "diga diga ga ga."

I laughed out loud and responded, "yes, gaga. gagagagaga Jdog. Tell us, what is gaga?"

Missionary Monday

Hello sweet brother,

I hope that you are doing well.  I'm sitting in my home, just thinking about you, so grateful that you have a companion that you can get along with.  The husband said that (in a non emotional way, of course) his best companions taught him a lot about what he wanted in a married relationship.  Does that make sense?  It may sound weird, but it is a great way to learn about relationships--how to respond to conflicts, what personality traits you mesh well with, what about that person challenges you to become better, etc.  I always knew the husband was the one because he always made me want to be a better person, who balanced me out.  And, I love him more than life.

We sure missed you during the Thanksgiving weekend.  But, I am so grateful for a brother who has sacrificed to serve God.  What a great example you are.  We all talked about you.  It was a sweet day.  Dad did all of the heavy cooking, and the turkey was delicious (as are all his meats), but we joked about how his companion from New Zealand asked him "Are you going to kill me on Mac N Cheese again," when they were called to be together for the second time.  I sure love our parents.  We are so lucky.  So blessed.

The husband and I have had an extremely busy month.  He has been interviewing all over the country for radiation oncology residency positions.  We are very fortunate to have a lot of interviews.  He has worked hard, and we have been blessed.  We could be living anywhere from North Carolina, Utah, Alabama, Texas, Minnesota, California, Oklahoma, Ohio, Washington state, New York, etc.  The list goes on and on.  But, I am most excited about our North Carolina, MN and Utah options.  He and I went to his interview in Santa Barbra together.  That's where we honeymooned.  That program is a transitional year, and we would only be there for a year, but how fun would that be?  So fun...if we can avoid going broke in the process, of course.  In March is the "match day" where we open up the envelope that tells us where we will spend the next five years.  It's kind of like a mission call, I guess, except it's not for the church and the prophet doesn't pair us up with our destination.  A computer does.  But, I know the Lord's hand is in all things, and we are praying that it will be the right place for our family...wherever it is!

Anyway, my dear, I sure hope you're doing well.  I am so proud of you and grateful for you.  What can I do for you?  How can I help you?  Missionary work is exciting, and so fun.  I hope you are enjoying this amazing stage in your life.  I sure love you!

Love, 

MJ

Contageous

This morning I greeted piles of suitcases that exploded all over my floor.  I dropped them there last night after making multiple trips to and from the parking lot to unload.  I felt so exhausted by the time I finished that I cried as I heaved the last set of heavy bags down my hall.

It wasn't because the stupid bags were heavy.  I'm relatively tough.  But, sometimes I don't want to be.  Like when the husband has a week at home, but wakes up shaking and sweating with strep throat.  My mood seems to have caught a bad virus, too.

And, Jdog is suffering from some sort of body rash that makes his cheeks feel like sand paper.  Also, today was Atrain's first day quarantined with the hand, foot, mouth virus.  In spite of it all, it was a relatively restful sick day. The loads of laundry even felt a bit easier to carry with Atrain's helpful folding company.

Jdog spent the day practicing his 180 turn arounds, and he is getting really good.  That little boy does the funniest things.  Today he went fishing in the toilet for the plastic utinsile he had been carrying.  Too bad someone forgot to flush.  Thank heavens he was only fishing for a knife.  I immediately knew something was wrong when I heard the husband burst into laughter halfway down the hall.  Guess who also got to go fishing in the toilet?  Silly J.  At least he only had to have two baths today.

I missed being at church today.  I missed taking the sacrament.  I missed that dedicated time to draw nearer to God.  I will have to try extra hard this week.  I know I will need a lot of extra help.

Black Friday

Hit the stores alone at 10:00pm.
Laughed as I parked blocks away from WalMart.
Cried as I stood in line for fourty five minutes to purchase my $4.00 pajamas for the boys.
But the hullaballoo would not be for naught.  I had to make something of the madness.  Plus some guy gave me a five hour energy shot for free.  I had never had one before...and since my mother in law said she consumed one once, I figured it was ok.  And, what better occasion?  I only had a swig, and I was feeling lucky.
Shopko opened at 12:00.
I didn't even know why I was there.  But I had a good feeling...like something extraordinary would happen.
And it did.  A Razor sparks scooter for $20.00, normally $60.00.
I snagged the last two, even though I only needed one.
Then I saw a guy talking on the phone to his wife, looking for a scooter.  I gave my other one to him.  Funny how I felt like I was being charitable.
I snatched up a few other unnecessary deals as I darted to the line.  My WalMart test run taught me well.
I ditched the undesirable deals on the way to check out.  I didn't even feel guilty.  I knew someone else would snag them.
I considered driving an extra 40 minutes to hit Toys R Us.
But then my want for a warm bed and the husband to snuggle with kicked in.
And I headed home, glorying in my finds, thrilled that my Christmas shopping was nearly over, and excited to join the foray again next year.
I heart you black friday.

Thankful

Happy Thanksgiving Day, everyone. Today was so full of goodness: good food, good company, good kisses, good feelings, etc. I have a good life. God is good. And though I am and life is far from perfect, I have so much to be thankful for.

• For the husband: his steadiness, his happy outlook, his unbending belief in me, his awesome dance moves, and that I still know how much he is madly in love with me.  Thank you for being the best thing in my life.  I love you.
• For Atrain: his sweet heart, his determined spirit, and his unconditional love.
• For Jdog: his inner comedian, his curious nature, and the cuddly way he gives me love.
• For my parents: that I always have known how much they love one another, never once questioned how much they love me, and continue to learn from how much you love the Lord.
• For the parents I got when I married the husband: their constant example of charity, wisdom and undeviating faith.
• For my sisters--outlaws and in laws: they laugh with me, they cry with me, they are my best friends, they are my inspiration.
• For my brothers--outlaws and in: they challenge me, they make me laugh (at myself a lot) and they laugh with me, they motivate me.
• For my cousins: your ideas blow my mind, your stories help my heart open wide, and our memories remind me how good and simple life really is.
• For my aunts and uncles: you still give me encouragement, love and approval.  Thank you for showing me every year what is most important in life.
• For my friends: never has a girl grown up with better companions, more loyal support, more accepting friends.  You always (even still) listen without judgement.  Thank you.
• For my coworkers: you inspire me, help me to think, and accept me.  I am so grateful to know you and benefit from your friendship.

It is hard to understand why I have been given so much.  But, I thank God for my life: for the plan of happiness that brings me lasting joy, for forgiveness, for motivating me without guilt or shame, but with love, to keep trying to keep learning and to keep returning.

The Birthday Boy

November 23rd is the day the love of my life was born.  I have loved him ever since I was a girl, and I know him and love him now than I ever knew was possible.  I am so glad he was born.  I will always remember our trip home from California, past his birth place on your 28th birthday.  Happy Birthday, my love.

Dreaming in Transition

Santa Barbra: running on the beach; playing with the boys in the sand; soaking in the scent of fresh flowers while strolling down state street; frequent visits to Disneyland; goin broke, but living on love.  Ahhhhh.  I could live here for a year.

One

I have a one year old boy.  

He is sweet--loves to snuggle his head right into the crook of your neck.  

He is hilarious--enjoys mimicking the absolute grossest sounds that emerge from bodies in our household.  

He is accommodating--will put up with the most annoying loving brother behavior (I am frequently amazed that he is laughing while being smothered by something or someone).  

He is pensive--studies things before he decides how to react, and randomly repeats sounds (rarely on demand). 

He is peaceful--happily toddling along, often with objects in his hands, coming to show me his greatest discoveries of the day. 

He is curious--frequently exploring the new boundaries of his talents and territories (including the toilet).

He loves to ride his new rocking pony: hopped right on and got rocking right away.

He loves to dance: always grinning ear to ear when music appears, bopping happily to the beat.

He loves textures: He dives into soft blankets and stuffed animals--head first, smothering himself in the fabric.  And I have never enjoyed watching a baby get dirty as much as I enjoyed watching Jdog dig into his birthday cake tonight.  I could have sat there squishing the chocolate frosting between his chubby fingers all night long.  

He hates to ride in the car for extended periods of time.

He loathes rice cereal, and loves spinach smoothies.

He loves straws--always requesting "wawa," which at first I thought it meant water...but it turns out that as long as a drink has a straw in it, it's "wawa," and it's good.

He has magical words that sound like whatever he wants them to, "diga diga" is a word we will use in our family forever, I'm sure.

He feels special when he puts on a hat--and he leaves it on.  Grandpatty found him a sweet cowboy hat to go with his pony, and he rides happily with the hat balancing on his elfish ears. He is a hoot.

He lulls himself to sleep by playing with his eyelashes--he is even funny when he isn't trying.

He is the perfect child for our family.  I am so thankful that God sent me this beautiful, blue-eyed boy.  His personality couldn't be more perfect.  His cheeks couldn't be any more kissable.  I couldn't love a one year old more.  Happy birthday, my sweet little Jdog.

Discovery

I'm just sitting at the airport, waiting to pick up the husband from his MN-WI interviews. It is good to have interviews...hard to have an empty pillow beside me. I can't wait to see him. I even kept my makeup on and wore a cute outfit--not that he'd really notice. He likes me just as well without.

The boys will be especially excited to wake up to him at home. Jdog has a whole new bag full of tricks. Today he said circle, and I'm pretty sure his 'baba' was meant to communicate that he was ready for a bottle and nap. He is one funny pup. i adore his new found toddling courage. There were many moments today when Atrain and I gasped as J wobbled our way on two feet. The husband will be so impressed.

So, how do we get along without him? We simplify as much as possible, shop as much as the budget permits, and adventure--always adventure.  Today we explored the depths of the children's museum for the first time in Jdog's life. It was phenomenal.  I adore Jdog's "thinking" expression--so serious, so intent on understanding just where the balls go after he puts them in the vacuum holes.  I have a feeling we will be frequent visitors this winter.

Toddling Along

It was a busy day.  At one point Atrain was running around, squawking miscellaneous tunes in his "super hero squad" briefs through the chapel while I practiced a musical number for Sunday.  "Come Thou Fount" is my favorite song.  But, it is hard to really feel the spirit of the song while you're wondering if fire and brimstone await you in the hereafter for allowing your child to be such a heathen.  At least the accident that caused him to run wild in his undies was water (not urine) based.  I really do want to go to Heaven.

Jdog is a heavenly baby.  But I can hardly call him a baby any more.  He's walking.  Tonight--during the RS activity and the musical practice, he was doing a lot of practicing of his own.  The wide-open halls of the church provide ample room for a budding walker to experiment.  Jdog took advantage of it--venturing away from chairs freely with the biggest, proudest smile spread across his face.  He toddled his way up to 29 steps.

There is nothing more fulfilling than watching a child--my child--take risks, stumble a few times, but deem the effort a success, nonetheless.  I could watch Jdog learning to walk all day long.  He doesn't get frustrated with himself.  When he gets a little wobbly he steadies his stance or plops down on his behind, then looks up, grins, and charges toward the nearest pull-to-stand object in the vicinity. I should be more like him: peacefully, happily toddling along.

Sunrise, Sunset

The best morning of the week--by far: late little sleepers, snuggling with the husband, wishing that the blanket of snow outside could keep us frozen like this forever.  But, it slowly melted into sweet chimes of "mommma" coming from J's small sleeping quarters, and then a loud, "MOM, the sun is up!" from the foot of my bed.

And the day ended with another one of J's hilarious antics.  We were carrying two sleepy boys in from the car when the husband burped.  Seconds later, right on cue, Jdog piped up with a throaty "AAhhhh" of his own.  He was just imitating his dadda, as he always does, but it was extra unexpected--given that we thought little shrek were sleeping--and thus extremely entertaining.

Rindercella

Once upon a play my little sister kissed prince charming...

...and she lived happily ever after.

Well done, my beauty.  Well done.

The Pearl

Today was that pearl of a Sunday: pure, remarkable and treasured.  I do love going to church: I love getting the boys ready, getting dressed up, singing the hymns, taking the Sacrament, feeling the Spirit listening to the speakers, etc.  Yes, I love going.  But, sometimes it's hard being at church--trying so hard to have a good, uplifting, Godly experience with my family to only--occasionally-- to fall flat on my face.  One only needs to glimpse at last week's experience for evidence.  Good thing many (perhaps, at times, most) spiritual lessons happen in the home.

But then there are days at church like today: when Atrain sits happily on one end of the bench, playing with his star wars figure without venturing into the aisle; when Jdog crawls contentedly around on the floor beneath me, reading books while he begs for gold fish and pretzels; and when I actually become so engrossed in the speakers that I don't even realize it's time to sing the closing hymn.  It was a good day.  I felt refreshed.  I felt prepared.  I treasured it, knowing that church with young kids doesn't always pan out like that.

Whether my kids are screaming in the foyer or sitting reverently in the bench, it doesn't really matter.  That's not why I go.  I go because I'm trying, I'm seeking goodly pearls.  Christ spoke of a merchant man who sought after goodly pearls, and when he found one he sold all that he had and bought it.  No matter how little I feel like I have to sell for that pearl--little patience, little time, little talent, little knowledge, etc., I will keep seeking.

Homecoming

Happy 11.11.11. I thought something remarkable would happen today.  And, I guess, to some degree, it did.  Today was the first of many of the husband's homecomings to come.  It is exciting--sending him all over the country to scout out places for our family to live for the next five years.  If it weren't so darn expensive to buy a couple more plane tickets, the boys and I would all tag along with him.  Every time Atrain sees a plane up in the sky, or the "track" of a plane his eyes get as big as saucers and he says, "OH! I see dada's plane!"  It must all be a little strange for him to digest.  So far, we could live in any one of these places:

Duke (Durham, NC)
U of Alabama (Burmingham, Al)
U Penn (Philly, PA)
Mayo  (Rochester, MN)
U of Minnesota (Minneapolis, MN)
Cleveland Clinic (Cleveland, OH)
U of Cincinnati (Cincinnati, OH)
UT Galveston (Galveston, TX)
SUNY Buffalo (Buffalo, NY)
U of Rochester (Rochester, NY)
U of Utah (SLC, UT) 


Not a bad set of choices--in no particular order.  I would love to live in a community with good schools, good medical insurance, and where the boys, the bob and I feel safe exploring the neighborhood.   We'll see where that leads us.  But, for now, I'm so happy the husband is being led back home.  I'm so glad.  I sure love that man.  And, it's a heck of a lot easier to sleep when he's by my side.

Not OK

Atrain and I had to have a conversation about why it's never OK to pee your pants.  Our discussion was compelled by his seemingly unconcerned approach to his accident at Toys R' Us today.  Of course, he had ulterior motives--a showing of Cars 2 was on the line.  It was an accident that happened literally minutes after I asked him (for at least the fifth time) if I could show him where the bathroom was.  "No, I'm fine mom," he always said.  I should have trusted my instincts. That little boy would rather hold it in all day than interrupt a compelling trip through the toy store.  Then, finally, right after I finished at the check out line I asked him to accompany me to the bathroom to change baby J (and get him to empty his bladder).  But it was too late.  This is how our conversation went:

Me: "Atrain, come with me to the bathroom really quickly so I can change Jdog."

Atrain: (with a pathetic look on his face) "No, I don't need to go potty."

"Did you?  NO--no way you peed?  Holy cow, buddy.  What happened?"

"I just peed my pants...it's OK mom."

"NO, it's not OK.  It's never OK to just pee your pants.  I just asked you if you needed to go.  Why????.... Follow me, quickly."

"It's just OK.  We can still go to the Cars 2 movie.  IT's ok mom, we can still go,"

"We won't go if you are wet with pee, Atrain."

"But we can just go get the pants you bought at the other store, mom. It's OK!"

"It's not OK to choose to do this, Atrain, even if you have pants in the car to use.  We can't see the movie unless you talk to me about why it's not OK to choose to pee your pants."

(utter melt down consisting of multiple blubblering "we can still go, it's ok" phrases)

Me: "Just tell me why you made this choice."

Atrain: "I was checking out a lot of toys and I didn't want to go, and then I was following you, and then I really had to go and I didn't know where to run fast to the potty."

"So, what will you do next time you don't know where the potty is at and you need to go?"

(with a little shrug) "Just pee in my pants."

"It's not a good choice to pee in your pants, buddy.  How about use your words instead, what words would help you?"

"Mommy!  I need to run fast to the potty!"

"Those are great words, Atrain.  Please use those words instead of peeing your pants."

"OK, mom, can we go to the Cars 2 movie?"

"Is it ok to pee your pants?"

"No, it's not ok."

"Alright, let's go to the movie."

"Wait mom....please...can we change my pants, mom?"

"Of course."

And, I just remembered that his pair of peed-in pants are still sitting in a bag in my car.  Shoot.  I guess I have to make one more trip to the parking lot tonight.

ps

I don't have melanoma cancer.  Phew.

LOL

There were a couple of moments tonight that I laughed out loud.  It felt so good--especially after abandoning all hope of happily utilizing my throat muscles again.

The first moment was a complete surprise.  Funny Jdog loves to sit in these little box chair we have.  They are the perfect height for a budding toddler: he can sit comfortably with his feet kicking happily toward the sky.  There are a few of them positioned in his special spots around the house.  Well, after he enjoyed a good sit in one of his little thrones, he stood to attempt a short walk to the opposing wall.  His attempt failed, and somehow he became so perfectly off balance that he flipped himself (gently) around and ended up lying flat on his back, staring blankly at the ceiling with a "what the heck went wrong" expression written on his face.

One of the things I love about J's personality is that he can take a tumble.  I'm sure that being a second child has nurtured this trait, and I love it.  So, instead of scooping him off the floor into a cradle, I laughed out loud.  Yes, I was laughing at my baby, who is learning to walk.  No this was not the first time he has been staring up at the ceiling after a tumble, wearing that confused expression.  And, yes, he was alright.  In fact, I think my unanticipated burst of laughter helped him roll his big belly over, shoot me a happy grin, and continue on with his chair adventures.  It was a good laugh.

The second moment came after Atrain negotiated a slightly later bed time.  I said, "two minutes," he said, "five," I said, "No, three," he said, "four," I stood firmly with, "No, three," and he consented.  Then, he started to ask me questions about the husband being gone.  This kid is a very perceptive little boy, and he is recognizing the pieces of the puzzle that is our family's life right now.  "Why is dada in Texas? Why did he have to go alone?  Can I go with him next time and you stay here with J? What hospital will dada find a job?"--just a sampling of the questions he has been asking all day.

But, tonight he came up with some really important ones--and by their nature, I could tell that he had truly been pondering our little conversations throughout the day.  He asked intently, with his arms outstretched to illustrate the grandeur of his question, "When we move to where dada is finding a place, can I take all of my toys in one big big big box?"  "Sure," I responded, "but we might need more than just one big box, we will need a lot of them.  "Ok," he said, "lots of boxes from Ikea!"  I laughed and said, "Ok."

And then Atrain continued, "And we have to write my name on all of my toys--all of them."  Apparently I didn't take him as seriously as I should have when I said, "Ok," without making eye contact, because at that very moment I felt his little hands squish the sides of my face and pull my eyes up to meet his, "Listen!" he demanded, "Go get a marker so we can write my name on my toys!"  I laughed out loud as I said, "Ok I will go right now!"  And that's just what I did--at least until his elongated three minutes until bedtime had expired.  We have a lot of work ahead of us.

I love to laugh with my kids.  And, sometimes at them too.  More often than not, when they see me laughing, they join right in.

Strep

I am sick sickety sick sick. Strep throat is the enemy. He has taken razor blades to my tonsils.  They feel like infected golf balls stuck to the back of my tongue. I talk like a wookie. My body has been fighting fevers valiantly with fits of sweat and shivers.  I barricade myself beneath blankets all day long.

The husband is in MN doing residency interviews. The kids and I hide out at the in laws all day. I have the best in laws. Their generosity makes me cry like a baby. I feel like a baby--a baby that takes four advils a few times each day. It can only get better?

I'm supposed to get my mole's results tomorrow. I hope i dont have melanoma.

Among Us

'You have a lovely heart,' Atrain told me tonight as I sat hunched over with chills at the kitchen table. My fever has hovered around 102.8 all day.  But Atrain could make any sickness melt away.  He looked at me adoringly as I faded in and out of sleep at the husband's parents' home.  I am so lucky to have such heavenly help. And that Jdog, so patient and forgiving of my shortcomings. Today it was so easy to see that God gave me angels for sons.

Gnashing of Teeth

Today was a horrible day at church.  I don't even know how it all happened.  The husband was even there.

Atrain was on a roll--spiraling down into utter chaos.  It was like trying to put out a fire with gasoline.  Sparks of irreverence grew into flames of flailing, hitting, crying, screaming, ignoring fits.  And Jdog was personally offended every time I put him down.

And then my heel broke.

And then I didn't have the keys to the car.

And then once I retrieved them and drove all of the way home, I didn't have the key to my house.

And then I growled and gnashed my teeth in frustration.

And it made baby J cry.  I don't like to talk about that.

We did go back to church.  Thank heavens for good nursery teachers.  And, who cares about having shoes on, anyway.  I'm going to have to really gear up for next Sunday--come armed with all sorts of new positive reinforcement ammunition to help my boys behave, and hopefully feel closer to God.  Isn't that what Sunday is supposed to be about, anyway?  I never imagined feeling the Spirit at church would take so much work.

5 for 5

A-asymmetry
B-border irregularity
C-color variegation
D-diameter greater than 6mm
E-evolving over time

The mole I had removed today was five for five with these melanoma warning signs. I should have had the thing removed years ago. My doctor actually used the 'd' word when explaining what could happen. Now my morbid imagination keeps running away with me. I want to raise my kids. I hope my results are favorable. Procrastination would be a horrible cause of death.

November Remembering

It's never too early to remember:

• Trick or treating with my boys in the Francypants' neighborhood.  Atrain was in heaven.  After just a few warm-up houses (when he took a little more than was polite), he quickly caught on to the routine.  He paraded door to door with the greatest of joy, exclaimed "trick or treat," "thank you," and sometimes "I'm a cousin" with fervor.  All the while, little baby Yoda watched the excitement from his stroller, with his bottle in tow.    
• Waking up on November 1st and successfully forcing myself to forgo the spoon full of sugar on my cereal.  It is "no sugar November," except for Thanksgiving day--and it will taste all the sweeter.
• Watching my baby J play with his eye lashes while drinking his bottle before bed.  He closes his eyes and sweeps his fingers across his feathery lids.
• Asking Atrain (the day after Halloween), "What have you been doing in your room with the door closed?"  And hearing his response, "Just lying down on my bunk, eating some candy bars."  I giggled, and said "Wow-chocolate sounds so good right now," to which he responded, "They are candy bars mom, not chocolate, and they're the best."
• When I accidentally bonked my head into Jdog's head, he giggled, and leaned his head forward for more friendly bonking.  Now, it's our secret greeting--like a hand shake, but better.  Sometimes we do it on purpose; other times it's a complete accident.  But, every time it's a funny, familiar encounter that makes my heart double in size.
• Hearing the first word that comes out of Atrain's mouth every morning, "MOM!" he yells.  Even if it is followed by, "I need to go potty!," it's a great way to begin the day.
• Being encouraged by the husband to keep writing.  He believes in me, in my imaginative ideas and my book dreams.  There have been so many moments in the past couple of weeks when he has pushed me out the door to "go write."  
• Seeing baby J courageously set out on his feet to find me.  There is nothing sweeter than that expression: excitement, fear and pride mixed all into one adorable, chubby-cheeked grin.

Memories do have expiration dates.  I try to hold onto them as long as I can.  I guess I'm just lucky to have so many I want to save.  Perhaps keeping pieces of my life in boxes and in words is a way of remembering how fortunate I am, and how much I have to give. It will be a good month of remembering.

Date Night

Tonight the husband and I borrowed my mom's new convertible and took off for an adventure.  The plan was to eat at our favorite Thai restaurant, go to a dollar movie, and cruise up the canyon to find a great spot to make out under the stars.  But, for some odd reason they have closed the infamous look out point we were hoping to hit up.  Maybe the authorities assume we're too far into the winter season for there to be much public interest up that avenue.  I protest.

Things did not go as planned, but it was an awesome night, nonetheless.  We got to share dinner with Gap and Bambie, serve ourselves as much frozen yogurt as we could handle, play "freeze out" up the canyon, blow a few bucks on arcade games, break a sweat in my first dance dance revolution match ever (I stink), and cuddle in a nearly deserted theater with the man of my dreams.

It was a fabulous night.  I just love it when the husband asks me on a date.  I will never know how I got so lucky to marry him.

To be Loved

I woke up late this morning with a helium balloon tied to my wrist, a stuffed three-eyed monster snuggled under my chin, and a melted almond joy clenched in my hand.  I also had a few, faint recollections of the moments my sweet son entered to adorn his exhausted mamma with such prized paraphernalia.  I am loved.

It was a wicked Halloween night.  Jdog spent four hours last night with wide open, tear filled eyes, telling me how much he loves me in screams and fits of pain.  He didn't want to eat.  He didn't want to sleep.  He only wanted to point at every interesting thing, exclaim "wow was dat" and then push it away in disgust--upset that nothing could assuage his aches.  I remain frustrated with only a few poor guesses as to what is ailing him.  But it's most likely his one year molars.  Whatever it is, it does feel wonderful to be loved.  He would only calm to my snuggle and song.

And, it is lovely to hear the husband up, in the kitchen doing dishes and making green smoothies for the boys while I sleep.  I love it even more when he says, "let's go on a date tomorrow," while wrapping his arms around my waist.  Mmmmm.  It feels good to be loved.