Mechanical Mommy

The husband and I only saw each other for a total of about 40 minutes today—most of which I spent stressing over our schedules. Stupid. Between meetings, church, school, work and play we haven’t had a decent conversation in at least three days. I feel robotic, like my heart is a cold, calculating clock, ticking its way through the day…counting down to May 7^th, the day the husband leaves for his away rotation in Houston.

But there were many moments today when the boys brought me out of my mechanical mindset. After trying again—unsuccessfully—to get Jdog down for a good afternoon nap I took them both outside to the playground. Atrain and I had our swords strung securely through the belt loops of our jeans. We slashed them through the warm, spring air until we met up with the swing set. I decided to see whether or not Jdog would enjoy a little turn on the baby swing, so I stuffed his soft blankets around his chubby body until he was secure and cozy in the baby seat. Then, I gave him a little push. A large, toothless smile grew across his face and was followed by a sweet squeaky giggle. Atrain gave him a little shove and Jdog giggled again. “He likes it!” Atrain said with giddy surprise in his voice. You see, swinging has never been Atrain’s strong suit. I’m not sure if it has something to do with his hearing loss and malformed vestibular system, but he has always been easily unsettled on the swing set—unless he’s pushing himself on his belly, “Peter-Pan” style. For some reason he enjoys that. But, if you swing him while he’s sitting upright, he’ll hold his breath and beg for you to stop him.

So, you can imagine my surprise when Atrain asked to be placed in the baby swing adjacent to Jdog’s. “Go slow,” he said bravely as I set him inside and gave him a little push. He held tightly to the seat, but soon began to smile as I swung him in synch with his brother and sang the “Swinging high and swinging low” and “Whenever I hear the song of a bird,” songs my grandma always sang to me on her big tree swing. They both listened intently, smiling at me and at each other. Then we played a few silly swing games like “tickle the tiny toes,” “see the silly mommy lie under our swings,” and “kick the mommy so we can laugh like Hyenas as she exaggerates a fall.” Too bad bodies need food. If it weren’t for dinner we could have stayed out there until the sun set.

I hope to spend a lot of time on the swing set this summer. I need more simple reminders that life shouldn’t be overshadowed by the stress of messy schedules. I need more time singing swinging songs to my boys. There is a sweet spirit that whispers peace to my heart and reminds me that, “for all His creations of which I’m a part, yes I know Heavenly Father loves me.” I hope that in spite of the stress that may make my mind a little mechanical every now and then, my boys know that too.