In Over my Head

I finally finished the header for July today. Not that it takes all that much time to sit down and put a Photoshop collage together. I just haven’t been around. And when I am around, I spend most of my time packing, unpacking and playing with the boys. I do love playing with my boys. We haven’t had enough unstructured playtime lately, and I think it’s taken a toll on us all—especially Atrain. He has had an accident every day for the past four days: strange. Particularly the one where he was standing on his scooter in the kitchen and all of the sudden his scooter was rolling in urine. Ew.

And then there’s been an increase of fits, a needy “I can’t do it by myself” attitude toward things he used to be excited to do alone, whining and whining and whining and odd baby-like behavior (steeling Jdog’s binki and curling up in his crib). Hum. I think Atrain is a little off kilter. Perhaps all of the coming and going and subsequent motivating, begging then insisting has made him feel a little out of control. And, I’m at a loss. I feel like I’m a first-time carriage driver trying to rein in a steed that’s galloping toward a cliff.

Maybe that’s a little bit of an overstatement, but I do feel rather unprepared and incapable of doing the simplest things—hence the upside down boots in the header. I feel like I’m in over my head. Why is it so hard to tell my three year old that we can’t just mimic baby J’s loud screams during sacrament meeting at church? Correcting him today only amplified the problem. Perhaps he needs more positive reinforcement, and more one on one time with momma to remind him how much I love my big boy.

I read the “You are Speical” book with him tonight. Then we read it again, and again. I want my kids to grow up knowing that I love them no matter what happens, and for who they are, no matter what they do or don’t do. Obviously, bad choices mean bad consequences, but I never want my discipline and/or encouragement to be so overbearing that they question my love and admiration. So I’m going to set a special emphasis on my unconditional love for my boys this week and forever. Moroni 7 46-47 is the best reminder, “…if ye have not charity, ye are nothing, for charity never faileth. Wherefore, cleave unto charity, which is the greatest of all, for all things must fail—but charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him.”