One on One

Atrain had a horrible drop off at school today. The kind that make me tear up too. I know I'm supposed to remain robotically matter-of-fact when he throws a fit. But, it is hard when he says, "I'm just so sad, mom," with big tears in his eyes, "I want to be home with you." I love my little man. He really is so brave. And, he puts up with a lot. It's hard to stand my ground and remind myself why going to preschool is so important for him--the listening environment, the peers, the social skills--when he's not excited about it. But I did. And, after I read him a book (the big one, not the little one, per his request) I left him crying, but in good hands.

I question myself a lot with that kid--much more than any other circumstance or relationship in my life. He is deaf. Yes, he can hear miraculously well with his cochlear implants, but when it comes right down to it, he experiences so much that I can't completely understand. When his implants are off, what would it be like to talk--to move your lips and feel words come out--but not be able to hear anything that you said? How would if feel to explain something that's different about yourself to your peers? How frustrating is it to hone into one voice in a crowded room via hearing technology?

I don't know. I'll never really know. But, I will just keep loving him with all that I am. And I'll keep doing everything I can to let him know that he can do great things on his own--even though it hurts to let (or make) him. I think he could use some good one on one time with mommy. Maybe we'll go shopping for a few "good drop off" treasures to look forward to in the next few weeks. Or maybe we'll just go throw rocks into the creek. That will help him recover from our tragic parting this morning. Good thing I left a love note in his lunch box today.