Wisdom in my Order

Tonight I cuddled with my baby. Jdog curled up against my chest and we sat in the recliner as the late afternoon sunlight warmed our skin. Atrain chased dust particles illuminated by the rays. The husband flipped through studentdoctor.net to catch up on the latest residency application gossip. And I just sat there quietly, thinking, breathing, and watching my baby's head dip in and out of the beams of sunlight with every inhale. It was a simple moment when I listened, and heard a soft reminder from the Spirit about how happy I am because of these boys--because of my family.

It's not that I ever really forget such an important piece of information. I always remember that fact. It's just easy to forget how it feels. Stress numbs my senses too often, and I loose purpose and direction. I become so exhausted with worry about what I have to do, and how I have (or haven't) done it that it's hard to soak in the reason for doing.

In the scriptures there is a section where a king is speaking to his people in the wake of a great spiritual renewal. After they had fallen to the earth "because they viewed themselves in their own carnal state," he goes on to teach them how to be saved through the Atonement of Christ; to come to know God, to repent and have humility. He goes on to stress the necessity of loving caring for and teaching my family, and also the importance of doing the same for neighbors. And then his advice is divine, "And see that all these things are done in wisdom and order, for it is not requisite that a man run faster than he hath strength..." (Mosiah 4:27).

This scripture can be interpreted in a lot of ways, but at least this time as I read through it, I felt inspired to focus more on God's love as I'm doing my daily deeds, rather than on His expectations. It is good to know and understand who God wants me to be. But, it's better to know God. Having wisdom and order in my doings means that I first know and believe, and then my doing will be more purposeful, joyful and fulfilling. I don't need to outrun my to do list. I do need more mothering moments where I stop, listen, and let my heart be filled with joy.