My carpet began crawling today. This has happened before—living on the bottom floor of an apartment building can have this effect on flooring. One day you just look down and realize that it’s moving. The indiscriminate speckles of black, beige and purple begin to dance right before your eyes. It’s creepy. It’s crawly. It’s an infestation of ants.
Dear ants,
Please stop building your home in my purse. I know there must be all sorts of crumbs in there to fill your cupboards, but those crumbs are mine. Even if I regret the fact that they’re there in the first place, you can’t have them.
Oh, and don’t crawl into my son’s hair. I really don’t like squishing you between my fingers, but when I catch you and your friends stowing rides between his long blond locks I just can’t stand it.
Finally, no more parties. I can take a few of you here and there, no big deal. But, when you decide to invite the whole gang over for an all night rave, I have no choice but to break out the Raid spray. Sorry to put a damper on your social life, but it must come to an end.
This is your last warning. I called the exterminators. They should be here tomorrow. Don’t be squatters. Accept defeat.
Sincerely,
MJ
I feel ya, before we moved to Salem we lived in a bottom floor apartment and we had constant infestations of ants. I vividly remember one morning I woke up and was just laying there (which is uncommon for me, I usually just get right up and get going, but I laid there for some reason that morning) when I turned to look out down the hall it seemed like an optical illusion that the floor was moving. I started yelling "MOM, DAD!!!" In my memory I swear I can hear a song playing as this whole moment plays out....."The ants go marching 100 by 100 hurrah hurrah.."
ReplyDeleteLol
Good luck. Unwelcome guests are no fun. :(
ReplyDeleteI love you Mel! Dear, ants hahaha. Your my fav.
ReplyDelete