My Hero

I tried to resume life as usual today after the weekend turned our world upside down. It was difficult to sleep without checking in on Atrain every other hour, listening to him breathe, hoping he wouldn’t wake up vomiting with his eyes spinning from right to left. When he finally arose and yelled, “mommy,” I brought Jdog into his room and curled into my boys on the bed. I savored how it felt to snuggle between them: Atrain gently played with my hair in one of his hands while squishing his brother’s cheeks with the other; Jdog flailed his arm back and forth against my clothing while he ate, pausing occasionally to smile at me, then diving back in for another helping. For a moment, I felt at peace.

As soon as we were up I rushed Atrain to school. After making some cookie dough for their Purim celebration this week I decided to run around the indoor track with Jdog and watch their class play on the playground through the one-way glass. I had nearly finished my run by the time they entered the play area. I stared at my son running to the gate, standing in line with his school-mates, listening to the teacher’s instructions, and then bounding out on the playground like any “normal” child. It was hard to believe that we were just in the ER this weekend. And it was hard to think that without any warning we could be there again tomorrow. Tears were creeping into my eyes as I replayed the weekend worries in my head. I couldn’t stop watching him. I reached for my phone to call the husband, but as soon as I picked it up, it rang. It was him.

He explained that he couldn’t start on his research until he burrowed through a few miles of bureaucratic red tape. I gave him my sympathy, but felt selfishly relieved inside. I could have him today. I needed him today. I picked him up. He came with me to the bank, picked Atrain up from school, and then we went on a family outing to McDonalds while the odor from our second round of bug spray dissipated from our apartment.

It was so good to have the husband near me, to admire our boys with him, to talk about plans with him and to wonder about life with him. There’s nowhere I’d rather be than with him. Especially when life is a little off balance and I’m constantly teetering on the brink of tears. He keeps me centered. He dries my eyes before they begin crying. With Jdog in one arm and a plastic sword in the other, he saves me from scurvy pirate Atrain and any tick-tocking crocodiles lurking around these parts--especially when I am the crocodile. The husband is my hero.