Emergency Mother's Day

My little family had a lot of motherly love yesterday. When Atrain began spinning into a spell of vertigo at 4am I knew that it wasn't going to be your typical corsage-wearing, husband praising, church-going, child-glowing Mother's Day. Instead of wearing flowers, I wore my boy's vomit. Instead of hearing the husband's praises, I heard him cringe thousands of miles away as my frustrated tears fell onto the phone. Instead of listening to the Primary children sing in sacrament meeting, I listened to my child scream and writhe with confusion at Primary Children's hospital.

It was a difficult day, but as I loved and comforted and prayed for my little boy, my heart swelled with gratitude for the mothering examples in my life. Kadydid and Allerina kept baby J happy and loved all day long. Bambie stayed by my side, cleaning out Atrain’s throw up bowl over and over again. Famous wrapped her arms around me and we sobbed in synch. My mother in law sent her husband (the doc) to Atrain’s side when he would have been cooking her mother’s day dinner, then packed her bags for the hospital (even though she is just recovering from pneumonia and I forbid her from coming). My mother filled me with food and with courage at PCH when Atrain awoke with dizzy screams and fits of frustration. Other loving SIL and cousin mothers buoyed me with calls of support and encouragement.

Little Atrain is feeling much better now, but even though he’s back on his feet it’s hard for me to carry on as usual. Every little wobble in his step sets me back. Every twitch in his eye makes my mind muse in endless “what if” scenarios. But even with all my anxiety, it’s easy to be amazed by Atrain. Even when his head was glued to his comfortable, stable spot on the floor, he sought the company of “Little (Jdog),” his brother, and smiled his silly smiles as he explained that he was having a sick day. Even when his world was spinning he insisted that I carry him over to Allerina’s drum set so that he could impress his cousins (we only made it a couple of paces before reverting to his blanket nest). And when the nurses came into the ER to start his IV, he didn’t even protest. “Wow,” they said, “Is he always this brave?” Yep. Atrain has the heart of a lion.

I also couldn’t keep myself from admiring little Jdog—just happy to be held by all around, content to cuddle and coo with his sick brother, sleeping so peacefully through the storms that day brought (even in the make-shift ER crib we constructed out of the wall and a high back chair). Baby J is a steady little soul who, even in utero, had a gift for calming my troubled mother heart.

I am a lucky momma, and I felt it more on this Mothers’ Day than any I have had in the past. I am lucky that God entrusted me with two beautiful boys. I am lucky to have a husband who wanted to drive back from Texas to be with us in the hospital. I am lucky to have mothers in my life who support me when my world begins spinning too quickly to stand on my own. I hope I can always be the same for my boys: a steady center, a strong axis.