I Need to Hear

Tonight the boys and I had a barbeque with a few good friends. I love watching Atrain interact with new groups of friends. It’s sweet to see his social experiments. For example, tonight he marched around singing the Darth Vader theme song while slashing a light saber, waiting for someone to join in. He loves trying to strike fear into the hearts of those around him. I don't think I'll tell him that it has the opposite effect on me.

As much as I love listening to his Darth Vader theme music, I love hearing him speak for himself even more. While playing with tractors another little girl noticed his cochlear implants. She pointed to them and asked Atrain, “What’s that?” Atrain looked up from his bulldozer and simply said, “My cochlears.” The little girl was rather unsatisfied with his response. She continued to stare and Atrain felt her eyes still on him. So, he gave another explanation, “I need to hear,” he said in a simple, matter-of-fact tone. And that was that.

My heart tripled in size in that moment. There were no ribbons or bows wrapped around Atrain’s explanation: just sweet, simple truth. I asked him about the interaction on the way home. “Did Lilli ask you about your cochlears Atrain?” He looked up at me and said, “Yep, I told her they were my super ears.” “You did?” I responded, surprised that he was feeding me the explanation I occasionally give to others when they ask. “Yep, they make me hear super strong.” He said. “They are super strong, just like you are super strong,” I responded. “Yep,” he agreed with a little smile on his face.

This conversation might get harder as time goes on, but I also just might be surprised. When people ask me about the implants when Atrain is around, he’s always listening. I hope they ask him next time. And, if not, I plan to defer the question to the little man standing next to me. I like Atrain’s honest explanation: “I need to hear.”