The Entitlement Problem/The Ownership Solution

I'm reading a book written by the parents of an old boyfriend of mine.  The husband will cringe at my mentioning of the old boyfriend.  He dry heaves at the thought that I would have actually liked any other guy.  As he should.  (What he doesn't mention is that he was sincerely confused by my dating of this RM while he was simultaneously smacking lips with an adorable freshman gal.  We rehearse the irony of our past a fair amount.  It still makes me growl).

Anyhow, welcome to "The Entitlement Trap" by Richard and Linda Eyre.  What amazing people.  What an awesome family.  I'm excited to learn more from them.  Here are things from the first chapter of this book that I  will add to my parenting quiver:

Chapter 1: The Entitlement Problem

• "In the name of LOVE, we give our kids: indulgence rather than consequences; instant rather than delayed gratification; lazness rather than discipline; dependence rather than independence; and entitlement rather than responsibility. We are trying to control our kids, rather than giving them control.  
• It is easy to give my kids what they want.  Much, much easier than teaching them what the need.  And, my job is (mostly) to teach them what the need and give them a few surprises along the way.
• "Entitlement stymies their chances to develop self-esteem and self-reliance and self-discipline and all the other "selves" that can't find traction in a world where everything is demanded and expected and nothing is earned and appreciated."
• "The far-reaching nature of the (entitlement) problem is not only about allowances and money and cell phones and "stuff."  Its tentacles reach into virtually every aspect of our children's lives.  It affects their education, because they feel they should not have to work for their grades...it impacts their relationships, because they think parents should step in and work out their fights or conflicts with other kids...their health...their ability to set goals, because when one is entitled, who needs goals.

Chapter 2: The Ownership Solution

• "As parents, we must find reliable methods to get our children to feel the kind of ownership--of toys, of money, of goals, of grades, of choices, of their bodies, of their conflicts--that will foster responsibility and displace indulgence-based entitlement...the ownership we are speaking of is chosen, earned ownership, something a child decides on and works for and takes pride in."
• "If the perception of ownership can be given to children, a sense of responsibility will follow, and a sense of pride, and a sense of purpose."
• "As a person earns, obtains, and takes care of something that belongs to him, he develops self-esteem, self-discipline, self confidence, self-motivation, happiness and good judgment."
• "WHEN is the prime time for teaching the skills of ownership-based responsibility?  Not when they are preschoolers and incapable of really grasping or accepting responsiblity...and not when they are teens and the consequences of their mistakes are too great, but when they are elementary-and middle-school-age kids who are flattered by responsiblity and who still think their parents are worth listening to...still the very best answer to the question"when?" is "Always."
• "When kids have real input and responsibility in family matters, they begin to feel like co-owners rather than tenants or servants in our homes, or pawns on our grown-up chessboard."

Great, motivating things to think about.  "It is best to start early, but it's never too late."  (Phew.  I'm not too late. :)  I guess it can never be too early to start building a solid foundation for my kids.  It empowers me to read their thoughts.  Can't wait for the next few chapters.