Dear Elder I,
I’m late in writing this letter to you. I seem to be late a lot these days. I’m not sure why. I keep trying to catch-up with myself, but I feel like my feet are running faster than I can follow. Or maybe it’s that my list is always longer than the hours I have in the day. Time is turning so quickly that I’m getting dizzy. But I am doing all that I can to make the most of it.
We only have a week and a half until the husband returns from the great state of Texas. He is ready to come home. We are so excited to have him back. Atrain keeps checking the count down, “Two weeks, Daddy, then only one week, then you will be home?” He sure loves his daddy. I tear up every time I watch Atrain talk to the husband on the computer. He brings all of his toys over to the screen and plays out all of the imaginary scenes running through his mind for his father. Then, when we have to leave to run an errand he begin to panic, “You stay there Dada,” he instructs him. So, often we leave the home for a few minutes with skype still running and the husband’s face fixed in the screen. The other day Atrain said, “When Dada comes home, he will not have to work any more.” I corrected him, reminding him that Dada will still have to work at his school, but Atrain was insistent. “Nope. Dada will work from home.” Lucky for Atrain, the husband will take the “home work” shift while I’m training for my job in August. That will be fun for all of them.
Needless to say, Father’s day was a little disappointing this year. I had this idea of how I wanted everything to perfectly pan out, but none of my plans worked. And really, I was just fighting off that lonely-for-the-husband pit in stomach all day long. But I really have nothing to complain about. I have been blessed with the greatest father figures a girl could ever ask for. I know that you agree. I think that our Dad’s secret ingredient is rather simple: unconditional love. He never overemphasized his concern for the marks I made in school. In fact, one time when I was particularly anxious about a class he dared me to get a “C” and told me that he would pay me $500 if I did it. How did he know that I wouldn’t take his bate? He is a true fisherman. I always know that he loves me and is proud of me—no matter what. Which somehow made me want to prove that I was worthy of such great love and trust. Magic.
Atrain started school last week. He has been having a difficult time. I don’t know if it’s all of the adjustments that have come with a summer schedule, but the poor guy has been hanging tightly to my apron strings. Last Monday when we arrived at school it wasn’t what he expected: new classroom, new teachers, new friends, etc. I could see the questioning look on his face, but then a girl from his former classroom grabbed his hand and brought him into the group. It’s so sweet to watch him gather his confidence and leave my side. But, then it all unraveled when I realized that I forgot his sunscreen and had to go back in. Never again. He threw a tantrum the size of a hurricane when I left, and it didn’t stop. I watched him through the two way glass for about fifteen minutes before going back in to rescue him from himself. I stayed until he told me that it was alright to leave. It took about an hour, but eventually he decided that his friends were much cooler than I. Some day that decision won’t feel as satisfying. But that day, it did. And I was happy to see my smiling Atrain when I picked him up an hour later.
It is good for him to be pushed, to get out of his comfort zone and learn from new, different environments. Even though it’s hard for me to watch him stretch so that he can grow, I know that it’s good for all of us to do that. But it’s hard to change. I need more faith to let God bring mighty changes in my heart. Home is not far. God is always watching behind the one-way glass. And he won’t ever forsake us or leave us comfortless.
Jdog is changing a lot. And it’s hard for him too. Every new month he meets new milestones, grows new teeth, and gains greater agility to get himself into tricky positions. He is my yoga baby. I’ve never giggled so much watching a little baby learn how to use his body. He will prop himself up on his hind legs and lift one arm high in the air, then he’ll do a leg extension, then straddle wide and sit down in the splipts. Seriously. This kid’s god a future in the Olympics. It’s so fun to watch him grow, even though I hate to watch his little tumbles. He is a trooper. I love being the one to hug and shush and love his tears away.
Well, brother, I must go. Keep up the good work. I am proud of you.
Love, MJ
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