Poop and Blogging

Today I tried to bully the husband into skipping out on his studies. He was given the day “off,” but for many med students, including my hubby, time off means time to devour textbooks. He is a good student—one of the best and I’m so proud of him. I tell him that I am, but I should show him more often. Instead, I say something like this:

Me: (doing my best to sound stupid, rather than passive aggressive) “Why does the number of pages you have to read balloon when you get a day off?”

Hubby: (doing his best to ignore my attitude) “It’s always been the same number of pages, but now I have a better timeframe in which to read them.

Me: (scrambling for words to express my disgust for the time he has to spend with his textbooks) “Looks like the big boy is poopy! Do you have enough extra time to change his diaper?”

Hubby: (wearing a mischievous, knowing expression) “Sure. Attain, do you want me or momma to change you?”

Atrain: “Momma!”

Me: “Not fair.”

Hubby: (laughing to himself) “He just loves you.”

Me: (annoyed) “How sweet. That’s the third time you’ve skipped out on diaper duty this week.”

Hubby: (beginning to pack up his things to head back to school) “Not true, I’ve changed plenty of poopies this week.”

Me: “Maybe little boy diapers. But remember that one time they were both poopy at the same time and you ran for the swaddlers rather than the #5 big boy diapers?”

Hubby: (now laughing at the technicality of our poop conversation) “I was already in the middle of Jdog’s diaper change.”

Me: (miffed that he’s right, wondering what other ammunition I had to throw into this disagreement). “Hum…I’m going to blog about you!”

Hubby: “Don’t blog about me. I help out.”

Me: (giving up and hugging him goodbye) “I know you do. You’re the best. I’m just trying to get your attention. I love you.

So there you have it, folks. I’m a bully. Poop and blogging are my weapons of choice. Maybe I should develop a few new tactics.